It all started a few months ago when the girlfriend i lost my virginity too tried breaking up with me, after a two and a half year relationship. And ever since the day she threatened to break up with me, i developed separation anxiety disorder. In summary, its a disorder in which is similar to obsession but not necessarily, for example if she doesn’t sleep on the phone with me, i have a panic attack, i cant sleep, i shake, sometimes i even puke from the feeling, resulting in me calling her repeatedly or even driving to her house. There are even times where i would dread on her going to work the next morning cause then i literally wait hours and hours just for her to get off, as to a normal human would go about there business, and then meet up, as to i actually wait every second of every hour. I would feel normal until she doesn’t answer the phone, then i cant eat, sleep, watch tv, i just walk around in a pace having an anxiety attack. its a feeling of nervousness and panic, it is not something i want to feel, although it is something i cannot avoid. It occurs mostly at night as it is 3 in the morning here. It feels as if i always want to be next to this person and if not i cant do anything, i would compare this feeling to lets say losing your kid in a crowded area, you could imagine the breakdown and panic you would have, very similar. I love her very much, but i don’t know why i feel as if i need to always be there with her and if not it results in a massive panic anxiety attack.. i was wondering, any idea as to why i have this disorder, and what are the ways to cure it? If anyone can help id appreciate it..thanks

Best reply by Stu147:

You are having an extreme and irrational reaction to your basic fears of abandonment and that has triggered anxiety. Your diagnosis of your problem is as good as anyone else’s could be. The question is not what and why, but how you go about addressing this. And realising WHY you need to address this.

There are two reasons that you need to address this. One is that it is making you unwell, it is dominating your life and detracting from it. The other reason is that it is placing a very heavy and unfair burden on your girlfriend. She no longer has free choice because she must be overwhelmed by the intensity of your reactions to the tiniest bit of separation from her. This can only serve to crush the life out of the relationship. In a sense, your fears will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your anxiety will suffocate any chance of the relationship surviving, and you may well end up putting so much pressure on your girlfriend that she too begins to crack.

What you need to do, and this is not optional, is seek counselling. Begin with your doctor, and ask to be referred to a psychologist. You need guidance to get your emotional responses under control, and you may well benefit from some medication to help take the edge off the symptoms.

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